CHAPTER 1
LET THE GAMES BEGIN
  Lightning Strike in Yemassee
  For What We Are About to Receive
  Mattress Walk

CHAPTER 2   
MAKING NEW FRIENDS
  And Grab Your Socks
  A Riveting Experience
  The General’s Orders
  Meeting our DIs

CHAPTER 3
SETTLING IN
  Sit, You Heathens
  Putting On the Right Face
  Let Them Wear Skivvies
  Home, Sweet Home
  Shopping Spree
  Letters to Mommy

CHAPTER 4   
TESTING, 1, 2
  Turn and Cough
  Make a Muscle
  Let’s Take a Dip
  You’re in the Infantry, Turd!

CHAPTER 5   
WE NEED MORE STUFF
  Good Mornin’ World
  Ricochet to Forest Lawn
  Holiday on Asphalt
  He’s Not Heavy

CHAPTER 6   
DOWN TO BUSINESS
  Command Performance
  I Have Not Yet Begun to Exercise
  Darrell Dottle

CHAPTER 7
CLEAN UP YOUR ROOM
  Field Day
  Mowing the Grass
  Duz Does Everything
  A Dirty, Disgusting Habit
  A Little Serutan, Please

CHAPTER 8  
A LITTLE EDUCATION IS A GOOD THING
  The World, According to Hoot
  Getting Religion
  Marching With the Junior Birdmen

CHAPTER 9
SNAKE STRIKES AGAIN AND AGAIN
  Things That Go Bump
  Life is Just a Box of Cherries

CHAPTER 10 
REFLECTIONS
  Happy Hour
  Getting to Know You
  My Fellow Turds

CHAPTER 11 
WHO GOES THERE?
  No Fire or Disorder That I Can See
  Sleep Walk
  Nod if You Agree
  People in India Are Starving
  The Eyes of Platoon 2037 Are   
  Upon You

CHAPTER 12 
THESE ARE TIMES THAT TRY MEN'S SOLES
  Just Go Ahead and Have a Big Tea   Party
  Smile and the Whole World Doesn’t
  Smile With You
  Who’s From Philly?
  It’s Party Time!
  Help, Chesty!

CHAPTER 13 
AND ON WITH THE SHOW
  Second Wind
  Letters, He Gets Letters
  Get Lost, Buster!

CHAPTER 14  
DOOM AND GLOOM
  Showdown at the Triangle PX
  Requiem for a Downed Flier
  Reservation for Cpl. Winston
  Telephone Pole, Anyone?

CHAPTER 15 
RIFLE RANGE
  Cheek to Cheek
  The Sport of Turds
  Winning Our Sandspurs
  Dance, Buckaroo!
  Buffalo in the Butts
  Hi Honey, Here I Am!
  Silk Skivvies

CHAPTER 16 
FINAL PHASE
  A Night at the Beach
  A Pillaging We Will Go
  The Midnight Gardener
  Cpl. Winston’s Deposit
  How Ya Gonna Keep ‘Em Down on 
  the Farm
  For He’s a Jolly Good Fellow
  I’m Pretty Sure I’m Confident
  My Report Card

CHAPTER 17 
VENI, VIDI, VICI
  My Pride Runneth Over
  Give Me Liberty
  The Beat Goes On

 Epilogue
 Glossary
 Parris Island Reading List
 Send Me Your Funny Boot Camp Story